Klowns in my Koffee

Daily Kup (My Life on the Non-Eating Plan)
The flu is Nature's way of saying, "Hey, I think you're eating too much."

Since I've been sick, I've had no appetite. My family has no understanding of this concept.

They shuffle through the kitchen like 50's movie zombies bouncing from the counter to the island and back again, mouths gaping open and eyes wide and searching. They open each cupboard door and stare. "What!" Disappointed again. There's only food in there and not an extended arm with a filled plate on it. Close the door. Walk into the living room. Stagger back to the kitchen. Open a cupboard door. "What!" Still no arm. Lather. Rinse. Repeat.

Somewhere my husband learned that the appropriate way to enter a room where a sick person is sleeping is to slam open the door, turn the dimmer light to full intensity and bellow, "What are we going to eat?" This is, of course, only if he is hungry. OK, that's most of the time then.

On those few other occasions, the routine is exactly the same except he says something like, "Whatcha doing?" or "When did you want me to wake you?"

That last one is particularly annoying since we all know the answer is "Not now."

As an aside, please note that the last many months of reflection and growth must have been good for me since I can now respond to these situation, if not with good humor, at least not by throwing heavy objects.

Compelling Reasons to Wake Up Sleeping People
● The house is on fire.
● The sleeping person is on fire.
● The person needs to get ready for work.
● There's an emergency involving another family member.
● Ed McMahon arrives with a giant check.

Not Compelling Reasons to Wake Up Sleeping People
● A house on TV is on fire.
● You need to get ready for work and you think that you set some socks down somewhere.
● You're lonely and want to chat.
● You promised someone a check and can't remember what today's date is.
● You want to tell the person a funny joke you heard.
● You want the sleeping person to drink some milk from a carton to see if it has turned sour or sniff some laundry because you can't remember if you wore the item or not.
● A child wants to know where babies come from and you answered last time.

Mr. T was uninspired about heating up some soup, though he eventually managed it when no arm had emerged from the cupboard despite multiple verification attempts. I took this as a personal victory because it felt like I had used telekinesis to "will" the soup from the container to bowls for consumption, straining like Uri Geller bending spoons. (The celebrity quotes on Geller's site are fun to read and for those who have not received psychic powers from a UFO from the planet Hoova, a less flighty description is found in the Skeptic's Dictionary. But I digress.)

The children each ate a small amount of soup and announced, "We're not all that hungry. We're sick."