Klowns in my Koffee

Daily Kup (My Life in Sugar Shock)
We've been hawking Girl Scout cookies for weeks now. Our own personal consumption has cost a (thin) mint. Every day, Mr. T takes the blue plastic milk crate of cookies to work. Every weekend, he takes Princess Potatohead in her little blue vest on a jaunt through the neighborhood with Attila the Son carrying the blue crate and occasionally running back to grab more stock.

I see Attila running up to the house as though he has broken through the enemy lines; his voice raspy with exertion, he can barely cough out, "More Samoas, more Do-Si-Dos."

Suitably restocked, he runs back to the front lines of the cookie war.

Like the armchair general that I am, I sit comfortably behind the lines and count the cash.

I have sold no cookies. Not a box. Unless you count consumption.

Mr. T and the kids have sold about 130 boxes and counting. In the hierarchy of cookie sale incentives, this nets a patch, a bandana, a little notebook and a plastic necklace. There are some nice prizes for really high sale quantities, but they are not easy to reach. For example, one of the prizes is an iPad. To receive this prize, it is necessary to sell enough cookies to put all of Southern California into a sugar-induced coma.

Due to the quantity of unsold cookies, the Council announced that the selling period would be extended one more week. On one hand, I was glad for the hyper-ambitious troops who find themselves stuck with a few hundred boxes of cookies that they will have to buy if they can't get rid of them. On the other hand, I'm getting tired of seeing the things around the house.

The kids have been very helpful in getting rid of the cookies. In fact, I didn't appreciate how helpful they really were until Mr. T came back with the crate and this: Look carefully to see where the cookies were removed and then the flap taped close. The children disavowed all knowledge despite the fact that they were caught with another empty carton.

It takes a certain amount of chutzpah to stand there with a box of cookies and insist, "Mom, Dad, we didn't take any. I have no idea how this box got in my hand."

The follow-up argument was no more effective: "You NEVER believe me!" Years from now in therapy, these kids will tell the story of how their awful parents made them wear a sign pinned to their shirts for the whole day saying, "I'm a LIAR and a THIEF." Desperate times demand desperate measures.

Maybe if little Bernie Madoff had been forced to wear a sign, he'd have made different choices later in life.

Bad Girl Scout Cookie Recipes
Traditional Girl Scout cookie recipes are along the lines of grinding up the cookies and mixing them with yogurt or pudding for a refreshing parfait. I've got way too many cookies to get rid of to limit the scope to desserts in a glass. It's time to get creative here, people.

Thin Mint Brandy Alexander
Crush two thin mints into a fine powder. Dip the rim of a cocktail glass in water and then into the crushed cookies, coating the edge around the circumference. Pour a Brandy Alexander into the cocktail glass. Consume drink. Repeat until you can't tell the Thin Mints from the Tagalongs.

Chalet-Dos
This recipe requires one box each of Do-Si-Dos and Lemon Chalet Creams. Carefully twist apart each Do-Si-Do and scrape the peanut butter filling into a small container. Now twist apart the Lemon Chalet Creams. Scrape the lemon cream filling out of each Lemon Chalet Cream and place it between two halves of a Do-Si-Do. Use the peanut butter filling to fill each Lemon Chalet Cream sandwich cookie in a similar fashion.

If you are particularly bored, then reverse the process to put the cookies back to the original.

Ho-Ho-Horribles
Place two Samoas face down on a counter. Use a hair dryer to lightly melt the back of each cookie. Before they have a chance to cool, slap them together back to back. Tie a ribbon through the hole in the center and hang them on your Christmas tree.

Quick Tips
* Nothing says home cooking more than a pork chop fried in a coating of ground up Trefoils.
* Tuck a few Thank You Berry Munches into your next meatloaf before placing into the oven for a taste treat that will catch your family by surprise.
* Sprinkle chopped Dulce De Leches on your icy sidewalk to improve traction.