Klowns in my Koffee

Daily Kup (Good Klown Hunting)
Don't you hate it when some entity tells you that they are doing something wonderful for you that is obviously meant only to benefit themselves? Usually, there is a sunny presentation in a veiled attempt to distract you, the abused consumer, from the blinding truth.

I got this lovely four color flyer with my new local newspaper that thanks me for my patronage by telling me that they will be delivering a newspaper to me on days that are not part of my contract. And charging me for it

Well, what a delightful bonus that is. Congratulations! Your 13-week Sunday subscription is now 11 weeks since we decided to deliver a paper on the Thursdays before Martin Luther King Jr. and Presidents Days. And we'll extend the same courtesy to any week when the mail doesn't come on Monday. Lucky, lucky you. That's just the kind of swell, community-focused guys we are.

I checked the Star-Tribune website and they have not, however, renamed the subscription level to "Sundays ... and Convenient Holidays for Increasing Our Sad and Lagging Sales" plan.

Since I don't have a birdcage, the only reason that I get the newspaper at all is because it costs less than the cost of printer ink to get my coupons.

The other irony is that I like getting the holiday editions of newspapers -- I simply reject the falseness of being greased by my monopolistic supplier in the transparent guise of their selfless service.

Star-Tribune, don't puke in my punch bowl and tell me it's (enhanced) vegetable soup!

Announcement at 9 PM at a Local Mall
"It is now 9 PM and the mall is closing. For your convenience and to accommodate differing sales hours at our anchor stores, we'll be securing the interior mall doors now.

How is locking the main door between me and my car "for my convenience"? Wouldn't it be refreshingly honest for mall management to say "For our convenience" or "To reduce our overhead"? Even "We think you are a little fat and could use the exercise"?

Brutal Translation: We are locking the mall doors. If you are in an anchor store, you'll be walking around, chump.

Thanks for the Intent
I heard this joke from some well-known comedian on television and I can't remember who it was. If you know, please comment so that the comic will be correctly attributed.

A guy is in a diner. The wait person appears with his order and says, "Sorry we burned your fries, but we gave you some extra to make up for it." Guy says to camera: "If it's anything I like more than bad food, it's lots of it!"