Klowns in my Koffee

In the ho-hum department, I painted my mailbox to match my newly spiffed-up front facade. (My house's, actually. I'm stuck with my personal facade and no amount of paint is going to fix that.) A neighbor jogged by and yelled out how nice the house looked. So, they are speaking to me again.

As a changeling child who migrated to the Midwest where I really belong, I couldn't completely enjoy the warm day.

Unfortunately, we have already passed the Seasonal Clothing Inertia (SCI) point. In the Midwest, this personal transition occurs the first time that one breaks down and puts on a winter coat in the Fall. After that, you have to keep on wearing the coat and feeling cold, no matter how much warmer the temperature rebounds. It was 56 degrees and I was wearing a shirt, a hoodie and a jacket over that ... and I was still cold.

A body in uniform motion remains in uniform motion ...
A body in a state of rest remains at rest ...

Unless acted upon by an external unbalanced force.

When Newton postulated the First Law of Motion, we know that he understood that there was no force more external or unbalanced than winter in Minnesota. (Unless it was the people that I used to work for at Porkus. But I digress.)
The resultant First Law of Motion extended for Seasonal Clothing is:

A body wearing a parka remains wearing a parka unless acted upon by Spring.

And not just the arrival of Spring. Midwesterners, being a cautious and humble people, want to make sure that Spring will stick with it. We've been disappointed before. We don't jump at the first warm wafting breeze. No, sir. We wait until the weather has been above seventy for a solid week before taking off the parka. The coat stays in the front closet for another three weeks before going to the dry cleaners "just in case."

The corollary to the First Law of Seasonal Clothing Inertia postulates that the effect is age-dependent. That's why you see the elderly in Minnesota wearing galoshes and scarves in early July and teenagers wearing shorts in January.

A body wearing a parka remains wearing a parka unless acted upon by Spring -- as long as the body is between twenty and seventy years old. Before twenty, you can wear shorts or tank tops all year round and pretend not to be cold even if your teeth are chattering. After seventy, the arrival of Spring advances one month for every decade of age over sixty. At one hundred, you can wear a hunting jacket for the whole damn year if you want to and people will humor you.

Weather.com predicts a high of 60 degrees tomorrow. I'm going to clean gutters in a knit cap and one of those puffy down vests.