Klowns in my Koffee

Several days ago, I was staying up late and Mel Brook's "History of the World, Part 1" came on. I've always loved the scene where Moses comes down from the mountain with the tablets containing the commandments. In Mel's version, Moses is given three tablets rather than the traditional two. He starts to announce the "Fifteen Commandments," drops one tablet that smashes into many pieces, then quickly backpedals to say, "Ten ... Ten Commandments."

It begs the question, "What should the missing commandments be?"

Here are some suggestions:

• Thou shalt not cut ahead in line.
• Balding men shalt not wind their hair over their scalps.
• Thou shalt not have the Dukes of Hazzard theme for thy ringtone.
• Thou shalt not call at dinner time about long distance or cable service.
• Honor thy in-laws but don't let them drop in without calling.
• Loud children shalt not be taken to any dinner that costs more that $30 per person.
• Co-workers shalt not hum all day lest they be stoned.
• Thou shalt wipe up anything left on the seat.
• Campaigning shalt not start more than one year before the Primary.
• Thou shalt recycle.
• There shalt be no Spiderman movies without Tobey Maguire.
• Rock bands shalt stop touring when they are too old to drive the bus at night.
• Thine mileage may vary.