Klowns in my Koffee

I saw them coming toward me -- the Honcho, the HR VP and the Corporate Counsel. The lawyer looked as though he were being pulled along on a string behind them over rough terrain as though they were walking the dog in the yo-yo sense. Her Royal Highness of HR had the envelopes and the papers. I partially rose from my chair to greet them. "Is this finally it at last?" They started the script as if this were the standard response to this situation. I thought of yelling, "I'm going to Disneyland!" but something about facing a moving wall of the humor-impaired stifles creative impulse.

"It is with regret ..

(I should think that 12 years should get you "great regret")

... that I inform you that your employment with Porkus Computer Systems will be terminated as of the end of the business day, today March 25, 2010."

I was delighted to see that my boss had been represented as capable of composing a complete sentence in English for I'd never seen him actually perform that feat before. At Porkus, we had laid off so many people that there is probably a Word template with a fill-in text box for the date.

"This staffing reduction is based on a change of business needs and circumstances."

The change was that they decided that they had far too many employees with ovaries and/or an education when they could be spending their limited resources on those more easily bullied. In all fairness, they'd been peeing away money the last few years like a diabetic dog at a fire hydrant festival. The economy had not been good to Porcus since the target market -- small companies that don't mind paying more for crap because they can't get credit with good manufacturers -- was slowly moving back into their parents' basements until they could find a real job.

Apparently, I'll be joining them.

Follow me on my journey from soul-sucked middle management drone to ... well, let's find out, shall we?

Tomorrow -- Signing up for Unemployment